PREMARITAL QUESTIONS TO ASK EACH OTHER

Although many couples discuss these things before the wedding, some avoid these topics assuming they will work them out later. However, it is beneficial to you both to communicate about these things beforehand. It is important to feel secure that you are on the same page before entering into a lifetime commitment. Perhaps you can write each question on a piece of paper and place them all in a basket. Every day you leave time to randomly select a question and discuss it. Hope this helps bring you even closer!

 

FAMILY PLANNING:

•What are some things from your childhood that you'd like to incorporate into raising our children?

•What are some things from your childhoon that you'd like to AVOID with our children?

• Will we have children?  If so, when?

• How many children do you want to have?

• If we are having a hard time conceiving, will you be opposed to artificial methods of conception?

• Would you be willing to adopt?

• What birth control methods will we use if we decide to wait?
• What religion will we raise our children?
• What last name will we give the children, the father's last name or the mother's and
father's last name hyphenated?

• Who will be the disciplinarian?

• How will we discipline our children?

• Will we send them to private or public school?
• Will one of us stay at home to raise the children?
• What values do we want to instill in our children, and how will we do so?

• What would be the consequences for…?

• How will we reward our children?

• Will we give them allowance?
• Will we set limits on privileges?
• Where do we stand on junk food, video games…?

• How much family time is appropriate?

• What do you consider quality time as a family? With each other?

• What is our long-term daycare plan? What's our back-up? Can we afford it?

• How much time will we spend with the in-laws?

• What will we do for holidays?
• If something happens to the both of us, who will take care of our children?
Who will take care of the children from our previous relationships?

FINANCES:
• Who's going to handle the finances?

 • Will we have separate or joint accounts?

 • Will we split the bills or pay them together?

 • Will we have a pre-nuptial agreement?

 • Who will be responsible for the budgeting?

 • What is your spending style? Are you a spender or a saver?

 • How are you financially preparing for retirement?

 • What are your views on debt (credit cards, loans, etc.)?

 • How much can we spend each month?

 • How much do we plan on saving each month?

• What our our long-term goals? Saving for a house? College? Retirement?

• How much do you spend shopping each month?
• Would you be able to curb discretionary spending?
• Do we create a house budget and write down everything we spend?
• Do we have a certain amount of money that's individual or are we pooling everything?
• If one of us lost our job, what would we do?
• Does one of us want a career change in the future? How would we finance that?
• Do you have credit card or student loan debt?
• If it came time to buy a new car, what kind would you get? How much would you spend?
What are your plans now for saving towards that?

• Do we have emergency money? How can we save that? What constitutes an "emergency"?

• Is there a spending limit that we should check with each other before making purchases
over a certain amount?
• What are our priorities? Is college money more important or is a new kitchen, etc.?

• Will each of us draft a will? What should the will say?

HOME LIFE:

• Where will we live after the wedding?

• Will we rent or purchase?
• What chores are expected of each other?
• Where will we live after we retire?
• What will the bride's last name be after the wedding?
• What will we do when both sets of our parents are in their advanced ages?

CAREERS:

• Will both of us work?

• If I get a career opportunity in another city or state or even country, would you be willing to move?

• When are we planning on retiring?

RELIGION:

• What religion will we practice, if any?

• How observant do you want to be?

• What traditions are important to you that you want to incorporate into our home life?

• Will you be willing to convert to my religion?
• Will it be okay if we each practice our own religion?
• If we practice our own respective religions, will we expect the other to attend services with us?


COMMUNICATION STYLE:

• Are you willing to talk about issues or do you pout and avoid things?

• How much communication is too much and leads to overload?
• Would you be willing to seek help from a third party (counseling) if we are unable to resolve

our issues on our own?

TEMPERAMENT:

• How do you handle stress and crises that suddenly occur? Do you explode or do you step back and

approach the issue calmly or somewhere in between?

MEDICAL:

• Does your family have any history of serious medical problems?

• Do you have a history of serious medical problems?

• What is your view on taking medication?

• What is your view on alternative medicine? 

• Have you ever been, or are now, addicted to: drinking, smoking, drugs, gambling?
• Would you be opposed to the both of us getting tested for sexually transmitted diseases?
• What should we do if the other is on life support? Will we draft a Living Will/Trust?